


A Diagnosis

by Agent_Of_Something



Series: A Story [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Illness, dont hate me, im sorry, just a warning, this going to be SAD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:42:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 7,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26996893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_Of_Something/pseuds/Agent_Of_Something
Summary: I don't think I can bring myself to write a summary.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Series: A Story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016101
Comments: 45
Kudos: 28





	1. A Ride

Jemma was in pain. Scratch that, she was in excruciating pain. She couldn’t move or get out of bed at all. She had a raging headache. She was thirsty. When she tried to speak, there were only croaks. Then she felt bile rising up in her throat and vomited right in her bed. She started to sob but no tears or sounds came out. She was utterly helpless.

“Jemma? I’m gonna take the kids to school.” Fitz said, coming in only to find her covered in vomit and sobbing silently. “Oh my god, Jemma.” He ripped the covers off the bed and carried her downstairs. “After I drop the kids off I’m taking you to the hospital. No questions this time.” She nodded but instantly regretted it when she threw up. Thankfully, it missed Fitz, who looked at her with so much concern and fear. He quickly got up and cleaned the floor before getting a bucket and some water and putting both in her lap. 

“Kids get down here, it's time for school.” Just then, 3 pairs of feet came in. Their babies, Alya, Nova, and their youngest, Apollo. “Mummy isn’t feeling well so we have to be extra good for her okay?” They all nodded and Jemma smiled weakly. 

Nova came over and wrapped her little arms gently around her leg and Apollo did the same to the other. Alya came over and kissed Jemma’s cheek.

“Ok, monkeys, off you go to the car, Daddy and I will be there soon.” Jemma managed to croak out. She was pale and shaking, but Lord help her if she wasn’t strong for her kids. They scurried off to the car while Fitz secured the bucket and bottle on her lap and lifted her in his arms. She buried her head in his shoulder, and felt him gently kiss her forehead. 

For a month this has been happening, though it only got this bad this week. At first they thought she might be pregnant, but the tests came back negative. Then they thought it was a stomach bug, but as the days went by, they concluded it wasn’t. Jemma put off the doctor until this morning, when she woke up unable to move. She felt Fitz move her into the car and fasten her seatbelt. 

The car ride was bumpy and Fitz was certainly speeding but Jemma held back the bile rising in her throat. When they got to the school, Fitz took the kids in and she whispered to them, “Be good my darlings.” And off they went. 

Fitz got into the car and drove to the hospital where he carried her in. 

“Hi, my wife here couldn’t move and threw up twice this morning and I really need a doctor so we know that she’s gonna be ok.” Fitz panted. She had no idea he had been this worried. The receptionist ushered them into the waiting area where Jemma rested her head on Fitz. After about an hour, where Jemma threw up twice more, they were called into a room where they were told a doctor will be with them shortly. Fitz held her colder than usual hands the entire time.

“Hi, Jemma Fitz-Simmons? I’m Dr. Lexie Grey and I’m gonna be checking you out today. I’m going to ask you a few questions if that’s alright.” Jemma nodded and squeezed Fitz’s hand.  
“Ok, how old are you?”

“42.”

“Any chance you might be pregnant?”

“We took 3 tests, all negative.”

“How long have you had your pains?”

“On and off for about 3 months. I could work through them but this last week it all just became too much.” At that, Fitz turned to her, she put her other hand on his to calm him down. She still bottles things up sometimes.

Dr. Grey wrote in her chart. “How long have you been vomiting?”

“At any sudden or fast movements, and everyday for the last two weeks. I’ve always been able to get to the bathroom but this morning I couldn’t move at all for 10 minutes.” She took a sip of her water.

“Ok, I’d like to take a urine sample, a blood test, and an MRI.”

“Ok. Thank you Dr. Grey.” She left the room. After she was gone, Fitz whirled at her.

“This has been going on for 3 months?”


	2. A Result

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All medical innacuracies are mine. I graduated from 16 seasons of Grey's.

“This has been going on for 3 months?” Fitz fumed.

“Fitz, I-”

“No Jemma, you promised you’d say something if something important was bothering you. This sure as hell applies.”

“I’m sorry Fitz. I didn’t think it was that important at the time and I didn’t want to worry you.”

“You didn’t want to worry me? I think we’re past that now.” He started pacing.

“Fitz, it’s probably nothing.”

“Maybe, maybe not. I meant what I said, I’m not strong enough to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.”

“Fitz, you have our 3 beautiful children. They love you. I’m not dying anytime soon. Let’s just take the tests to be safe. Yeah?”

“Yeah ok.” He went back to holding her hand.

Then some nurses came in and took her blood and urine samples before she was wheeled into the MRI room. It was scary being in there, the lights, the sounds, she couldn’t move at all or it would mess up the scan. She thought about how the kids are doing at school and if they were being good. She smiled at how Alya proudly showed her classmates what space was really like and got a call from the teacher. How when Nova and Apollo were first born, Alya shared everything with them and said, “When I have a kid, I’ll be the best Mummy ever because I had the best Mummy, Daddy, and siblings!”

Jemma started to cry, she thought about how she never got to say goodbye to Deke, her perfect grandson, how she didn’t want to leave her life. The fantastic, wonderful life she shared with Fitz. Before she knew it, she was being wheeled back into her room, but Fitz wasn’t there. He probably was picking the twins up from school, considering the time. Jemma decided to wait in the bed and text May.

‘Hey what’s up? You told me about an Inhuman?’ Jemma typed.

‘Yeah, that’s all handled now. How are you?’ May replied after a few minutes.

Jemma decided to lie. ‘Good, you?’

‘I’m good. You know you can tell me if something is wrong right?’

‘Yeah, why?’ May couldn't've known. ‘On our last call, you didn’t sound so well, just making sure.’

‘Thanks for the concern. As soon as I am in trouble I’ll tell you.’

‘Gotta go. Bye.’

‘Bye.’ Jemma turned off her phone and started to cry, something was wrong, and she didn’t know what. Just then, Dr. Grey came back in. Jemma quickly composed herself.

“How are you doing?” She asked.

“I’m okay. Just waiting for my husband.”

“I have the results back, do you wanna wait or do you want the results now?”

“Let’s rip off the band aid.” Jemma smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “It’d be better coming from me anyway.”

“Ok. Well, the tests show that you have Stage II Ovarian Cancer that is progressing at a rapid rate. It was caused by-”

“I know what it’s caused by. I’m a biochemist with 2 PhDs by 16. I have 3 kids, my husband is an engineer who also has a PhD by 16. What are my options?”

“Chemo for a while and then an ovary removal surgery with more chemo after.”

“And the costs?” “We’re looking at a couple hundred thousand dollars at most.”

“We can afford it. I need to fight. I fought so hard for the life I have and I can’t lose it now.”

“Of course. I’ll give you some time to process. It’s a lot.” Dr. Grey stepped out.

Jemma didn’t cry, she knew she’d be fine. She survived 6 months on an alien planet, a virtual reality hellscape, being enslaved by a psychotic alien in the future! She could do this. Still, a sudden memory was brought to the forefront of her mind.

_“Stop it Jemma I’m driving!” Fitz yelled while smiling. They were having a rare vacation that proved to be good for both of them. It wasn’t the Seychelles, but the grand canyon was nice too. As long as she was with Fitz._

_“Stop what?” The windows were open, the music was blasting Beatles songs, and her feet were propped up on the dashboard, swaying to the music._

_“Being so adorable! I can’t focus on the road with you doing that.”_

_“I’m not doing anything! If anyone is being too adorable to focus it’s you, with your sunglasses and short sleeves and shorts.”_

_“Shut up, you are wearing polka-dot socks, adorable. A short skirt, a cute hat, a nice little blouse, and shades as well so, no you win the cute battle.”_

_“I just wanna pinch your little cheeks with that good stubble on it.” She squealed and leaned up, kissing his cheek and burying her head in his shoulder._

_“Jemma I’m driving!” He laughed._

_“And I’m driving your adorable little ass crazy!” She giggled. And Fitz pulled over on the highway to pepper her face with kisses much to her delight._

Back in the present, Jemma wondered if she’d ever get to be like that with him again. How was she going to tell Fitz that she had cancer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback was inspired by a tweet I saw.


	3. A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tells them.

A couple of hours later, Fitz returned with all 3 of their kids.

“Mummy!” Alya jumped into her arms.

“Woah woah woah little monkey, Mummy is very tired so best not to jump on her.” Fitz said while pulling her off.

“How’d the test go?” He asked her.

“You might want to sit down.”

“Mumma.” Apollo babbled and she took him in her arms wearily. Nova then climbed on too with some help from Fitz while Alya sat in Fitz’s lap.

“So, Mummy is very sick. And instead of being sad, everyday I’m going to make a new memory with you all. Something happy, something cute, something funny. And I’m going to write it all down. So no matter how this ends, you can look back at it fondly. Yeah?” They all nodded, except for Fitz.

“Da? What’s wrong?” Alya asked.

“It’s cancer, isn’t it Jems?” He asked with tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, Stage II Ovarian.” She murmured.

“When does the treatment start?”

“As soon as possible, it’s fast growing in my case. Alya, why don’t you take your siblings to get some ice cream so Daddy and I can talk alone? Fitz would you?” She gestured to his wallet.

He gave them a few pounds and off they went to the cafeteria. Jemma looked at their vacancies in her arms before looking up and seeing Fitz come over to her.

“I’ll fight this.”

“I know you will.”

“We’ll get through this.”

“I know we will.”

“You might have a bald wife.”

“I’d still love you anyway and more because you are so strong.” He kissed her forehead and she felt his tears.

“You want me to tell you a story?”

He nodded before pulling her into his chest and climbing onto her bed.

_ Jemma and Fitz were on the hood of his car, Jemma in between his legs, back to his chest. His arms were wrapped around her and she was playing with his fingers. They were stargazing in the chilly Grand Canyon. _

_ “What’s your favorite star?” Jemma asked. _

_ “Sirius because of Harry Potter and I love Gary Oldman.” Fitz replied. Jemma giggled. “What about you?” He asked. _

_ “Theta Serpentis. It’s a triple star system in the constellation Serpens. The biggest star in that system is what I want to name my daughter when I settle down.” she rambled. _

_ “With me?” _

_ “That’s implied.” _

_ “What’s the name of it?” _

_ “Alya.” She smiled and brought the jacket that she was wearing, his of course, tighter around her body. _

_ “Beautiful name. It’s perfect really. Something magnificent from Space, finally.” He chuckled. Jemma turned around and nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck. She was content just staying there in his arms forever. Just them and no mission or end of the world. They were just Fitz and Jemma. _

In the exact same position, Fitz kissed Jemma’s forehead as she nodded off. The day's events getting to her. She needed to get through this.

  
  
  



	4. A Comfort

Jemma woke up two hours later without Fitz. She then heard him come back in.

“Hey, you’re up. I dropped the kids off at my Mum’s.”

“Did you tell her?”

“No that’s your choice.”

“Today’s the annual call,” Jemma said, “it starts in 10 minutes.”

“Yeah, I got them. You ready?” He asked, climbing in beside her.

“Yeah, I’ll tell them. But in the meantime, I want to tell you another story.”

“Ok.” He replied, kissing her head.

_Jemma and Fitz were lying in a bed, sheets tangled around them._

_“Fitz,” Jemma giggled as he kissed her neck, “we are still on a vacation.”_

_“I know,” He replied, and blew a little raspberry into her shoulder, much to her delight. Fitz tilted her face up and kissed her softly and slowly, his arms wrapping more fully around her._

_“Fitz, as much as I want to stay here with you, we do have a tour in 30 minutes.”_

_She managed in between kisses._

_“We are finally on vacation after the whole Hive debacle and we are in a bed, naked, and all you can think about is a tour?” He leaned back with a small smile. “Of the grand canyon?”_

_“Well, it’s interesting, but I don’t think that it’d be very romantic, at least not as much as round 4….” She trailed off and Fitz’s eyes widened. He leaned back in quickly._

_“We still know that I’m the romantic one.” He whispered and kissed her again, this time fast and passionate. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rolled him over. The tour long forgotten._

“Oh I remember that.” Fitz smiled at her. “Why did you tell me these things?”

“Because I keep wondering if we’ll ever do those things again.” She whispered.

“Jemma, you can’t think like that. You will get through this. You’ve been through so much and come out stronger. Please, I beg of you, be positive.” He had tears coming out.

“Ok. Oh would you look at the time, let’s go.” Jemma said. Fitz nodded and got the case with the little Framework Phones and put them on both of their heads, turning them on.


	5. A Call

“Hey guys.” Coulson said. “Haven’t seen this place in awhile.”

“I chose it.” Daisy smiled.

“What is this place anyway?” Yo Yo asked.

“Same boat.” Sousa agreed.

“It’s the BUS.” Jemma beamed.

“Lots of memories here.” May joined.

“Like me and the cream. Who did that anyway?” Fitz asked.

“I wasn’t there but man, I would’ve loved to see that.” Mack laughed.

“Jemma and I have some. I got you.” Daisy replied.

“Skye and I do have plenty of pictures from these days.” Jemma winked.

“Skye?” Sousa asked.

“Long story. Jemma you little- I want to throw my shoe at you.” Daisy laughed.

“So how is everyone?” May asked. There were overlapping responses with busy being a favorite. But Jemma and Fitz just looked at each other. Not wanting to spoil the mood.

“Why are you being FitzSimmons and talking with your eyes?” Mack asked.

“Well, we do have some news but it spoils the mood.” Jemma trembled.

“Is something wrong?” Yo Yo asked with concern.

“Fitz, will you?” Jemma closed her eyes and was vaguely aware of Fitz telling the team about her diagnosis. She couldn’t stand to see the looks of pity and fear that they were probably wearing.

“How long have you known?” Coulson asked.

“Today, we found out today.” Jemma said tightly.

“And you’re getting treatment?” Sousa asked.

“Yes. I’ve survived so much more than most people. I think I can do this.” Still, she couldn’t help but wonder as another memory plagued her mind.

_“Jemma are you sure this will work?”_

_“Yes Fitz. I need to work harder to get into the new director’s good graces in order to have even the tiniest bit of control over the situation. For our team, for SHIELD, for us.” She grabbed his hands._

_“I just find it odd that we come back from a vacation, as a couple, that Coulson provided for us, and then he resigns and now you’re rubbing elbows with that weasel.” He wretched his hands from hers._

_“Would you rather we all be separated and know nothing?”_

_“Of course not!”_

_“Then why?”_

_“I don’t trust him and I’m afraid he’ll do something to hurt you!” Fitz screamed._

_“Fitz, I can take care of myself. In fact, I’m the only person here who was stranded on an alien planet for 6 months, was tortured because of that, and indirectly killed 12 inhumans. So yeah, I’m not really scared of a guy who says ‘A team that trusts is a team that triumphs.’”_

_“Are you really going to pull that crap on me?”_

_“Yes, actually, I am. Because you are being completely irrational. I need to fight to keep what we have, and you being a negative Nancy is not helping. We need to keep our heads up. Ok?” She asked. She went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist._

_“Fine, but the second something goes wrong you stop.” He wrapped his arms around her._

_“Deal. Kiss?” She closed her eyes and puckered her lips. When he just stared at her she sighed. “Ugh, Fitz! We can’t do PDA anymore so private displays are fine.”_

_“I’m practicing.” He smirked, stepping away from her._

_“Well then I guess I’ll just take off my shirt, one button by one button, slowly.” She did as she said and saw Fitz swallow hard._

_“Screw it.” Fitz said as he tackled her onto the bed._

“Earth to Simmons? Hello?” Daisy waved a hand in front of her.

“Yeah sorry just spaced out. No pun intended Astro Ambassadors.”

“Yes, the name caught on. I knew it!” Sousa said, lightening the mood.

“Don’t worry guys, I’ll be ok.” Jemma smiled, or so she hoped.


	6. A Plan

After the call was finished, Dr. Grey came back in with two more doctors.

“Dr. Fitz-Simmons, this is Dr. Mark Sloan and Dr. Derek Shepherd. They’re gonna help with your case.”

“Nice to meet you.” Jemma smiled and shook their hands.

“We’re going to start with chemo for a few months. It’s not going to be that aggressive since you’re in stage II, however, it is a fast growing cancer in your case, so we’re going to try and minimize spreading as well as remove your ovaries in a month.” Dr. Sloan said.

“No more periods yay.” Jemma chuckled weakly.

“Are there risks?” Fitz asked.

“There are. Along with the regular risks of surgery like sepsis, there is also a chance of the cancer coming back and coming back stronger. So, we’d like you to come in for an MRI bi-yearly to check. And since ovarian cancer is a genetic disease, there is a chance it can be passed on to your children. Do you have any children?” Dr. Shepherd asked.

“Yeah 2 girls and a boy.” Jemma replied.

“Well you’d want to get those girls tested for the gene in the future.” Dr. Grey said.

“So, I’m most likely to go into remission. Correct?” Jemma asked.

“Yes.” Dr. Grey replied.

“Good. That’s good. Right Fitz?”

“Yeah, that’s great. But what about her treatments? Will it be as bad as other cancer patients?”

“Well there’s no way of really knowing how strongly it will affect your day to day life. You will be nauseous, no hair loss, and you will be very tired. You need to be very hydrated and well rested.” Dr. Grey answered.

“Oh so like being pregnant.” Jemma joked.

“Yeah but your arm will hurt from the needle in it sometimes.” Dr. Sloan smiled.

“Ok. Sounds good. As long as I come out on the other side.”

“This will be a lot though. You sure you’re ready?” Dr. Shepherd questioned.

“With all due respect, Doctor, my wife and I have gone through a lot. Some that you can’t even fathom. So, yeah we’re both ready for this. I know I’m not the one physically suffering, but we do things together. So please, don’t let her get away.” Fitz said.

“Ok. Let’s get to work. You’re starting tomorrow.” Dr. Grey said, and the doctors left the room.


	7. A Fear

“Fitz?” Jemma asked, shaking him gently. They were lying together in her hospital bed. They decided the kids will stay at Fitz’s mum but will visit her often as she began treatment so the kids were going to visit her starting tomorrow.

“Mmmmm what?” He mumbled.

“What happens if I don’t make it?” Jemma whispered. “To the kids? To you? To me?”

“You’ll make it. I refuse to say or believe that you won’t. The Doctors will do everything they can.” Fitz caressed her cheek.

“Like how the doctors did everything they could when I-”

“This is something different. That was then, this is now.” He cut her off.

“But still I can’t help but wonder if it’ll have the same results.”

“Hey, it won’t. Yes, that was a tragedy, but it was a long time ago. Why are you thinking about it?”

“Because it was my fault.” Jemma protested.

“What? That was not your fault. Everything turned out fine. That was not your fault.”

“But it was! Think about it, we had our break at the time, then the universe decided to throw us another curveball. Just like what’s happening now.”

“Neither of these things are your fault. Ok? You had no control over it.” He brought her onto his chest while she wept.

“I start chemo tomorrow.”

“I know.”

‘It’s gonna suck.”

“You’re a strong person. Strongest I know. We’ve fought killer robots, aliens, humans, demons, water, you can fight and beat this. If anyone can, it’s you. I have no doubt in my mind.”

“You’ll be there at the finish line?”

“The loudest one cheering.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think is the 'that' that they're talking about? Comment below!


	8. A Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

Jemma couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned all night. She kept thinking about what happened all those years ago…..

_ “Fitz! Leopold James Fitz! Get your ass in here!” Jemma called from the bathroom, a little white stick in her hand and two more just like it on the counter. _

_ “What? Jemma is everything alright?” Fitz asked. Jemma wordlessly handed him the sticks. She was in fact pregnant. With his child. She knows how it happened, but how did this happen? _

_ “Jemma, are you- you and I- we’re- this. We’re going to be parents. I’m not ready to be a dad!” He gained his bearings. _

_ “I’m not ready to be a Mum! We need to have a plan, finance, supplies, days off, what are we going to tell the director? Or our parents?” She panicked. _

_ “Let’s go to the doctor and work everything out. Together. Just breathe. We won’t tell anyone until after the first trimester.” He put his hands on her wrists and pulled them to rest on his chest. _

_ As the weeks went by, they found that she was 8 weeks pregnant when initially discovering the baby in her belly, however, a few weeks later Jemma was working on a report in bed when she felt some painful cramping and some dampness on her pants. She knew what was coming. She ran into the bathroom and started to cry. She couldn’t stop what was happening to her. She decided to get Fitz.  _

_ Luckily, she was wearing dark pants so when she ran to the lab no one saw the blood. _

_ “Fitz, we have to go.” She panted. _

_ “What? Why?” What’s happening?” He looked at her with concern. _

_ “Baby, miscarraige. Hospital.” She managed through the pain. No one but them was in the lab which was fortunate for them because no one knew besides them and their OB. _

_ “Oh my god ok.” He picked her up. “How’s the pain?” _

_ “Not good. It feels like my insides are being ripped out and there’s blood dripping down my legs. We’ve lost our baby.” She tucked her head into his shoulder and put her hands on her stomach. The tears falling and wetting his button up instantly.  _

_ When they got to the hospital there were many things hooked up to her. A doctor came in. _

_ “Hi, I’m Doctor Addison Montgomery and this is Doctor Arizona Robbins. We’re here to help you deliver the baby. You miscarried at 13 weeks. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.” _

_ “Thank you.” Jemma whispered. And after a little bit and some pain, their baby was placed in her arms. He was gray, but oh so beautiful. _

_ “Hi baby. I’m your mummy and this is your daddy.” She sobbed, rocking him gently. She held him for a few more minutes before handing him to Fitz. _

_ “We decided on Harry if it was a boy. Harry James Fitz-Simmons. If you need that for a form.” Fitz stared in total devastation at the tiny, fragile, lifeless, body in his arms. He had little white blonde hair just like Fitz as a boy. _

_ “What was the miscarriage caused by?” Jemma asked while stroking his gray cheeks. _

_ “Stress with some trauma from previous events pre-conception.” Dr. Robbins said solemnly. _

_ “It’s all my fault.” Jemma cried into Fitz’s arms. _

_ “Dr. Simmons, we’re going to do a procedure that’s standard after a miscarraige. If your husband could leave the room, we can prepare the baby for burial.” _

_ “Yeah. Goodbye Harry.” Jemma kissed his forehead. “Mummy loves you so much.” _

_ “Goodbye little monkey.” Fitz kissed right where Jemma did and held his cold hand before a nurse came in and took that perfect little boy from his arms. The tears from both of their eyes glistening on his face. _

_ That was the first and last time they ever saw Harry James Fitz-Simmons. _


	9. A Reverie

“Good morning Dr. Fitz-Simmons, I’m here to take you to your first round of treatment.” A nurse walked in. “I’m nurse Greg Folker, and I’ll basically be your cancer guardian.”

Jemma smiled. “Hello, nice to meet ya. You can call me Jemma since we’re gonna see a lot of each other.” She stuck out her hand and he shook it.

He gestured to the wheelchair, “Hospital policy,” he shrugged. He helped her get into it and wheeled her to the treatment room. She settled into her chair and winced as the needle was put in her arm.

“This is gonna go on for a little bit.” Greg said to her.

“I know.” Jemma felt it drip into her arms as another memory plagued her mind.

_ Jemma sat on their bed, curled up in a ball. She was in immense pain, emotionally and physically. She felt like she had failed Harry. Like she had failed Fitz. She failed at having happiness. _

_ The universe really was against her. _

_ She heard Fitz come in. She said she had a cold since nobody knew what really happened and why so she could get time off to recover. _

_ “Hey.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It meant he was hurting too. “How are you feeling?” _

_ “Terrible. Utterly terrible.” After that day, they had a routine, Fitz would shower and brush his teeth after he helped her eat her food. She was in a state of not wanting to do anything. He bathed her and brushed her hair and carried her back to bed. This was the first time she spoke in a week. _

_ “Jemma, I can’t keep living like this. I understand that you’re hurt, but I’m in pain too. We had two people attending the funeral for our son. And that was us! I didn’t think I would lose you too. Snap out of it. I need you here with me Jemma!” _

_ “Fitz I- I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I am. But don’t expect me to snap out of losing my child!” She managed horsley.  _

_ “Just come back to me.” His voice barely above a whisper as he grabbed her hands and pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m not strong enough to live in a world without you in it.” _

_ Her hands were freezing. More now than usual. _

_ “Fitz, I love you. But I need more time to heal.” The admission was meant to sound firm, but it came out broken as she sobbed against him. _

_ “Don’t let me go.” She cried into his chest. _

_ “Never.” He pressed little kisses into her hair while his own dripped onto her head. _

“Earth to Jemma?” Greg waved a hand in front of her face. “You’re done for today. Man, you really space out.”

“Oh sorry, yeah I tend to do that.” She snapped out of the memory.

“It’s fine, just teach me how to do that when I talk to my father in law.” He helped her into the wheelchair and brought her back to her room. No idea what she was actually thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All rise for our healthcare workers, the real heroes of 2020. If y'all can figure out who Greg is from I applaud you. A huge thank you to the real doctors and nurses and other medical workers during this difficult time.


	10. A Bucket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and a mop that's a wap. macaroni in a pot thats a wap. im so sorry but the chapter title asked for it.

Jemma woke up to the sound of a familiar giggle and a shush. She cracked open an eye to find her husband and her kids.

“Well hello there. How are you my darlings?” She put on her happy mum voice.

“I’m great Mama. Today in math, the teacher got a problem wrong and I corrected him.” Alya beamed.

“That’s great sweet girl! What about you Novie?”

“I made a new friend and Apollo got a timeout!” Nova smiled.

“He stole a crayon and didn’t give it back, but he apologized and all is well now.” Fitz clarified.

“That’s fantastic sweetheart! And Apo, we need to work on sharing. Ok?” Jemma opened her arms for him and he snuggled into her shirt.

“How are you feeling Jemma?” He greeted her with a kiss and settled Alya in his lap along with Nova.

“Nausea hasn’t set in yet, but fatigue has, and you said you had a gift for me?” She stroked Apollo’s hair while he fell asleep.

“Yeah, I got you a pen and notebook for the memories thing. One memory for each day remember?”

“Yes Fitz. I remember very well.” There must be something going on with her brain as her mind drifted to years prior.

_ Jemma was preparing for her first day back at work and was tired of Fitz doting on her. She was perfectly fine! She put on her blazer and did some final touches on her makeup before heading out the door. _

_ “Agent Simmons! How are you feeling?” Oh, she did not want to talk to Mace right now. _

_ She put on a fake smile. “Oh I’m doing much better. Ready to get back to work.” _

_ “Good, because you have 5 reports you need to write and on my desk by the end of the day.” _

_ “Yes, sir. Oh what about Daisy? Any luck finding her?” _

_ “Agent Simmons, Daisy Johnson is frankly none of your concern. Mission details are classified. No place for Special Advisor in Sci-Tech.” _

_ “Of course, Sir. I apologize. I’ll get right on those reports.” She walked to the lab, her irritation growing by the second. She wanted to go back to bed. _

BLECH! Fitz must’ve seen her growing nauseous and took Apollo out from her arms and a bucket in her lap where she vomited.

“Ewww.” Nova said.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“Jemma it’s ok really. It’s to be expected.” He rubbed her back.

“No it’s not. I’m so sorry darlings.”

“It’s ok Mama.” Apollo smiled.

“Yeah it’s ok.” Alya got her a glass of water and kissed her cheek. 

“Thank you Aly.” She caressed Alya’s hair before retching. She took a sip of water to drown out the bitter taste in her mouth.

She did not want her kid’s last memories of her to be her vomiting into a bucket.

  
  
  



	11. A Smile

One Month Later

  
  


Jemma had her surgery today. She’s getting her ovaries removed. On the plus side, she won’t have to worry about periods until Alya gets one. And her cancer probably won’t regrow. On the downside, for six weeks she’ll be in pain. That’s gonna suck but she’ll be home in her own bed.

Fitz slept at the hospital last night and held her hand until they got to the Operating Room.

She doesn’t remember being under.

What she does remember is waking up in excruciating pain. Her eyes darted around her and saw Fitz talking to doctors. He looked upset. He saw her awake and rushed to her side.

“Hey Jemma.” He smiled with tears in his eyes. He stroked her hair and kissed her hand. 

The doctors came in and explained that the surgery went well and that they wanted to keep her overnight for observation.

“Can I have some pain killers?” She managed to whisper. Dr. Grey did as she asked.

“Get some rest and we’ll check on you soon.” Dr. Grey said kindly to her before exiting.

“I don’t have any ovaries.” She looked at Fitz and he laughed.

“No, love. You don’t. But Daisy said she’ll come and watch the kids while you recover.”

“Yay bad girl shenanigans.” Jemma smiled weakly.

“Go to sleep.” He kissed her forehead and got on the cot across her bed.

“Ok. Goodnight. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He mumbled.

Despite the pain, Jemma was out of the hospital the next morning with medication prescribed and PET scans every 3-6 months to make sure the cancer doesn’t come back.

The house was a mess. Fitz carried her to their room and she still was in a lot of pain. She decided to rest while Fitz set up the guest rooms for Daisy, Sousa, and Kora.

_ Jemma and Fitz were having a picnic in the park. Her head was resting on his stomach while he played with her hair. _

_ “Fitz?” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Do you think we’ll have kids?” Harry’s death was still a sore subject. _

_ “Yeah, why?” _

_ “Because I want a family with you. A life with you. I want us to grow old and die at the same time surrounded by our family. I want our last words to be I love you.” _

_ “That’s strangely morbid. This is why I’m the romantic one.” She felt his laugh under her head. _

_ “Oh shut up will you.” She smacked his chest. _

_ “Shut up? I’ll show you who needs to shut up.” He grabbed her by the waist and flipped her over so he was above her. He started to blow raspberries in her neck and tickle her sides. It’s been ages since she felt this kind of happiness. _

_ “Fitz stop! White flag white flag!” She repeated through her giggles. Jemma stayed happy and content. _

Even in her sleep she smiled a little smile.


	12. A Year

One year later

Jemma woke up in Fitz’s arms. His bare chest providing her with warmth and comfort.

“Good morning.” He muttered and cracked one eye against the morning light.

“Good morning.” She beamed and connected their lips.

“Isn’t it too early for this?” He asked against her lips as she pushed him down to straddle his waist.

“Not at all.” She swept her hair to the side.

“What’s got you in a good mood?”

“Over one year of cancer freeness.”

“Mmmmm how could I forget?” 30 minutes later, Fitz had to go to work. Since Jemma had a day off, she would drive the kids to school.

“Bye I love you.” He pecked her lips once more.

“Love you too.” And off he went.

“Ok lunches are packed, backpacks are full, and the kids are in the car.”

“Mama can you play One Direction?” Alya asked.

“Of course.” Jemma had converted the whole family, and they got tickets for their reunion tour in the summer.

The beginning of “She’s Not Afraid” came on and everyone was singing. 

When they got to the school, there were lots of kisses and hugs passed around.

“Bye my darlings be good for school.”

“Bye Mama.” They chorused and skipped off to school.

Jemma drove home and decided to watch a movie. While deciding which one, her phone rang, seeing it was from Fitz, her heart melted.  
“Hello?” She beamed.

What was said on the other line made her drop her phone.


	13. A Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT HATE ME OR COME FOR ME I HAVE A WRITING DEMON INSIDE OF ME. AND YES DS SQUAD I MEAN YOU DO NOT COME FOR ME.

_ “Jemma?” Fitz asked from their bed. “I have a question.” _

Jemma walked slowly through the hospital.

_ Jemma came from the bathroom after doing her night routine. “Yes what?” _

She’s been here before. For herself, she never thought it’d be for this.

_ He looked at her while she sat down beside him. _

Jemma walked into the room.

_ “So we’ve been together for over 6 months.” _

The doctors looked at her with an apology on their lips.

_ “I know that.” _

“There was nothing we could do. Straight on collision. He was dead at the scene.”

_ “And in that time we’ve grown quite close.” _

“Can I have a moment alone with him?”

_ “Well I’d sure hope so.” _

“Of course.” They exited the room.

_ “So, I was wondering, will you move in with me? Off-base?” _

“You said you’d never leave me.” She sobbed into his chest.

_ “YES!” She squealed and launched herself at him. _

“We were going to have a forever. After everything we’ve been through. WHY?!?!? WHY?!?!?” She was inconsolable.

_ Jemma kissed him fiercely, pouring every bit of love she had for him. Which was a lot. _

In that moment, she wasn’t Dr Dr Jemma Fitz-Simmons. She was a crying widow begging for her husband to come back.

_ “I love you so much and I can’t wait for our forever.” Fitz smiled at her, pulling away slightly. _

“I guess we really are cursed.” Jemma pressed a kiss to his lips.

_ “I guess we aren’t cursed anymore.” Jemma pressed a kiss to his lips. _

“I don’t want to say goodbye.” She peppered kisses all over his face.

_ “No more goodbyes.” She peppered kisses all over his face as he did the same to her. _

“But I have to.” She paused for a moment, going through every single memory of him. Their first meeting, first experiment, first study session, first breakup, first hug, first Doctor Who marathon, first time on the bus, first confession in the pod, his injury, first separation, Maveth, Will, first kiss, first time, Harry, moving in, the framework, AIDA, first proposal, first wedding, his time loop death, second proposal, the mind prison, those 4 years in space, Alya, Perthshire, Nova, Apollo, her diagnosis, her remission, everything.

Everything she had to hold on.

But the hardest thing was to let go.

Let go of him.

She slid his ring off his finger and wrapped her hand around it.

“Goodbye Fitz. I’ll dream of you every night.” She kissed him one last time.

Because, after this moment, dreams, memories, and her kids, are all she has of him.


	14. A Mum

Jemma went to the school. She had to tell them.

“Hi my name is Jemma Fitz-Simmons I’m here to pick up my kids. Alya, Nova, and Apollo Fitz-Simmons.” Saying their last name hurt.

“Ok. I’ll send them down. Why don’t you take a seat?” The office person replied. Jemma sat down in the chair and just stared at the clock. Waiting.

A few minutes later, the kids came into the room.

“Mama what’s wrong?” Alya asked.

“I’ll tell you later. Come on let’s go home.”

The drive was silent and when Jemma pulled up at the cottage, she didn’t want to face all that he left behind. Still, she led the kids up the familiar path. In through the front door.

There was a cardigan left on the couch. His cardigan. Jemma balled it up and sniffed it before putting it on. She needed his strength for this.

“Mama, why are you sad?” Nova asked.

“I’m sad because of Daddy. Daddy, is in heaven now.”

“What do you mean?” Apollo spoke up. They all looked like Fitz, Alya with her blonde hair, Nova with her deep blue eyes, and Apollo with that cheeky smile that Fitz had. They all inherited his curls as well. And it used to warm her heart.

Now, it absolutely destroyed it.

“You know how everyone goes to heaven right?” Jemma opened her arms for all of them to cuddle into her. “Well, Daddy went in sooner than expected.” Jemma felt tears coming out of her eyes.

“Will we ever see him again?” Nova wailed into her shirt.

“Yes, but not for a long time. But he’ll be with you. In your heart, your memories, photos and videos. Those journals. Remember?”

“Yeah.” Apollo sniffed.

“So Daddy is dead. My Daddy is dead Mama.” Alya sobbed. And Jemma was half expecting Fitz to come in and hug her tight.

But he didn’t.

He never would again.

Jemma is now a single mother.

And she’d do anything to change that.


	15. A Tear

After the kids were asleep that night, Jemma made a call to Fitz’s mum. The poor woman lost her only child. She was understandably devastated. She then texted the group chat for an emergency call.

She put the device to her forehead.

“Hey guys.” She smiled sadly. Everyone was there.

“Simmons! Oh my god. How have you been? Where’s Fitz? Is the cancer back?” Daisy asked.

“No, the cancer isn’t back. And Fitz is.” She couldn’t hold back the tears.

“No.” Coulson whispered.

“Car accident. He was dead on the scene.” Jemma shook her head.

“No!” Daisy yelled. Everyone had tears in their eyes.

“Turbo.” Mack wept.

Yo Yo prayed in Spanish.

May had a single tear in her eye.

Coulson looked at his shoes.

Sousa looked at Simmons. “I didn’t know him that well, not as well as I would’ve liked. But what I do know is that he was one of the best men I ever met. And I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” She nodded at him.

“There’s no other him this time.” May said. “No him floating around in space.”

“No there isn’t. I treated the other him so poorly at the end. And for this one, we never talked about it.” Daisy croaked.

“I wasn’t close to him but we’ve been through so much together.” Yo Yo’s voice sounded more hoarse than usual.

“Deke never got to say goodbye.” Mack sounded so small.

“I can stay with you for a while to help with the kids.” Coulson looked at her.

“No, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”  
“We’ll all pitch in any way we can.” Yo Yo smiled at her.

“You’ve helped us so much. You and Fitz both. It’s time to return the favor.” May agreed.

“You need help with anything, let us know.” Sousa affirmed.

“Thank you. I’m making arrangements for the funeral. If any of you can come, I’ll send details.”

“See you there.” Mack confirmed.

And they signed off.


	16. A Fourth

The funeral was today.

His funeral.

Jemma has done this before.

But this time it was permanent.

She wore his ring around her neck.

She wore his black cardigan under her coat and over her dress.

She could feel him wrapping his arms from behind her and felt him kiss her neck.

But he wasn’t there.

And he never would be again.

The kids looked so much like him it hurt.

They drove in silence to the cemetery. 

Everyone was there. 

Jemma zoned out until Fitz’s Mum tapped her on the shoulder to give the eulogy. On shaking feet, she went up to the podium.

“Thank you all for being here. Fitz didn’t like big crowds, and all of you meant so much to him.  
When I met him, he was a shy and pasty boy with his whole life ahead of him. I thought he hated me, but we have been best friends since 16. My one regret in life was not loving him the way I should’ve for nearly 12 years. He deserved the world. And he got it in the form of our children. A lot of you know this, but Fitz has been through so much and he was very strong. But what you don’t know is that a lot of these things he kept to himself. He always helped me when I struggled. He always….” Jemma looked at her notes, trying to keep it together. “Fitz was the love of my life. He was my life, my heart, and my home. He and I brought in four beautiful children.” She looked at the shocked faces of the crowd. “And he loved them so much. I swear he’s the better parent. And I know my love will grow deeper even if he isn’t here with us now. I will always love you Fitz.” She stepped off the podium.

At the reception, Daisy put on some music. It was Deke’s song. His stolen cover of “Wind Beneath My Wings.”

This made Jemma cry more. For Harry, for Fitz, and for Deke.

“Jemma,” It was Fitz’s mum, “what did you mean by four?”

Oh.

“Oh um, it was years ago, I had a misscarraige. His name was Harry.”

“Oh darling.” She hugged her second mother tightly.

“How are you doing?” Jemma asked.

“Oh I’m alright. I should be asking you that question.”

“Everyday is a little better.”

“Life is a battle, and you just lost your partner. It’s ok to cry Jems.”

“I know.”

When Jemma got home, she was so tired she collapsed onto the couch after tucking the kids in.


	17. A Forever

50 years later

Jemma looked around her. Boy, what a life she’s had. A new Deke was there, which warmed her heart, along with her six other grandchildren. She still had his ring around her neck. This was her time. Alya, Nova, and Apollo all said their goodbyes and so did her grandkids. Now it was a matter of time. Jemma went through her life, from her first stargaze with her dad to marrying Fitz, to now.

She beat 90 feet of the ocean.

She beat Maveth.

She beat the framework.

She beat 2091.

She beat space.

She beat time. 

She beat cancer.

And then she had her happy ending that was ending now.

She had her life. And it was good.

And with that she closed her eyes and breathed her last breath.

Jemma woke up in a bed. It was in a little villa.

“Hi.” A voice said from behind her.

She turned around. Fitz. He looked to be about 30. His beard trimmed and his hair neater.

She was 30 too. Her hair was back to brown after it being white.

“Hi.” She smiled back. “Is this real? I’ve dreamt of you for so long.”

“It’s real. And those were too. I watched over you.” He gathered her in his arms and she melted into him. His warmth being gone for 5 decades, she forgot how he smelled like nearly 30 years ago.

They both had tears in their eyes. “Jemma.” He whispered.

“Fitz.” When he kissed her it felt like she was coming home. 

Because he was her home.

For so long there was a pit in her that his death left.

But now she felt bright.

“Let’s have our forever.” She kissed him again.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read this story!!! I'm so sorry for the pain, but hopefully this will make up for it. Thanks to the DS Squad for putting up with my demon and to everyone who commented and left kudos. It means a lot.


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